swimming

i'm quite sure that the only person i've ever loved is gone, or, in other words, the only person i thought i could love again. i'm pretty young, i admit, and so this statement automatically loses some of it's grandiosity. but i have to be honest with myself. i have to remind myself that there's only so many times a person can fuck up before that opportunity should be sucked away from you. to be all too figurative, i've thrown that opportunity in the trash and lit it on fire. i've sequestered that fire's carbon in the ground.

at the same time I have never been more fanatically absorbed with every other aspect of my existence. amazing, the waves and undulations of our lives.

i think about how my german professor stood in front of the class and squeaked out that he believed life was like swimming, where we spend half our time day dreaming, our heads under the water, occasionally being forced to resurface for a breath of air.
i wanted to stand up and shout, "that's it! that was the most beautiful thing i've ever heard. my college expecations have been met, and now i can leave fulfilled."
the rest of the 74 journalism students just sat there, unimpressed because they had heard everything else he talks about before. all that uninspiring media ethics muck, yes, and i the lone, gullible video production major so eager for a kodak moment. but maybe i am wrong. maybe they stopped scribbling in their crossword puzzles for those few moments, and i was just too immersed to notice.